Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in A girl named hope...'s LiveJournal:

Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
12:47 am	this morning i weighed in at 173 that is the lowest i have ever been at this hight. pretty awesome thats 11 lbs since april it may not sound like a lot for some people, but for me its huge. must loose more. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 9th, 2006
1:52 am	i found out yesterday that i have gastritis. that could be used to my advantage, but my huge ass has been ona hardcore bingeing spree, sp basicaly i have been throwing up for 4 days solid. (not that different from any other days...) i'm just going to stop eating. sounds good to me. i was at 174 earlier this week. right now i am at about 177, and thats at night with clothes on. i neeeeeeeed to loose weight! ugh. fuck. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 16th, 2006
5:52 pm	INSTRUCTIONS: Write ten statements, intended to different people. never tell which one is to who things you've always wanted to tell people. 1. I miss you. Even tho i will not allow myself to ever speak to you again, because of all of the pain that you have caused me, i still miss you. 2. OPEN YOUR EYES can't you see that i am sick? dont you ever wonder what i do in the shower for almost 45 min? 3. stop taking your anger out on me! i am not a fuck up! i do everything that you want me to do and more. why can't you see that? 4. thank you for saving my life. you were my coach and my friend, and i will miss you greatly. 5. i love you even tho we fight worse than anything. you are my sister and i could never hate you. 6. you spent 14 years of my life drinking. I hope that this time you stay sober. i don't know if i will be able to forgive you next time. 7. you have no idea how similar we actually are. 8. when you talk about your diease, you shove it peoples faces like you would die without the attention. do you really wonder why people have stoped responding to you? 9. stop being so hard on your self. stop throing up your food. stop hurting yourself. you are beautiful get that thru your head. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 12th, 2006
9:45 pm	i started at 184 this morning at i was at 176 i want to get down to at least 160, if not 150 by the end of summer. is it possible? i damn well hope so. on the 26th i start swim pratice again and also i start my job life guarding. by then i want to be 170 thats like, 2 weeks. 6lbs in 2 weeks. i can do it. at first i was having some problems with the pills, but i think i am getting used to them. i am going to start upping the dosage. starting the 26th my schedule will be 10:00am (sometimes 9:00am) to 12:00pm - Swim Pratice. 3:00pm to 9:00pm - Life Guarding. i will be fit by the start of school. tomorrow is my birthday that means manditory birthday dinner out to eat with my parents. that also means purge purge time then after that, i want to keep the cals. about 500. or below that if possible. i will be 170 by the 26th. and 150 by september. it will happen. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 4th, 2006
9:36 pm	i finally told a friend about the throwing up. it feels good to have at least some one to talk to about it. i bought diet pills today. i dont know how i feel about that yet... my birthday is coming up very soon. i feel like i want to throw up, but i havent eaten anything since noon, and even then just salad. summer cycle into eating disorderland here i come. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
10:47 pm	all i want is for someone to notice me. i am so tired of the silence. i have b/p'd every day for the past week. 2 weeks ago i cut again for the first time in almost a year. i want to do it again. all i want is for someone to notice me. and for them to help me, but not judge me. i dont think i can do this much longer. (Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
11:51 pm	i have dropped 4 lbs since saturday. 184 to 180 sweet. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 24th, 2006
7:40 pm	Day 3 Today i had: Breakfast: 1 rice cake - 70 cal. Lunch: 1 rice cake - 70cal. 1/4 cup of nuts - 170 cal. Snack before track: granola&yogurt bar - 140 cal. Dinner: 1 wing roasted chicken - 26cal. 1/4 cup rice - 170cal. 1 apple - 72 cal. = 718cal. Track Pratice: 30 min. running/cardio = 411 cal. burned 45 min. weightlifting = 369 cal. burned = -780 cal. total: -62 cal. yesterday i did shitty and done even want to add it up. i am a fuck tard and ended up purging twice. once after lunch and once after dinner. but today was pretty good. Current Mood: chill Current Music: "Down & Out" The Academy Is... (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
11:19 pm	Day 1 Starting Weight: 184 short term goal weight: 170 long term goal weight: 150 (or lower if possible) today i ate: 2 rice cakes- 140cal. 1 turkey burger patty w/ 1 piece of whole wheat bread- 260 cal. 1 bottle of vitamin water- 100cal. 2 servings of baby carrots- 70 cals. & 4 med. pickels- 20 cal. so that = 490 calories. good start i think that i am going to start with 600 cal. per day for one month, and then work from there. awesome. now i have to figure out how to make this work... Current Mood: nervous Current Music: music in my head (Comment on this)
4:38 pm	Newbie! hey this is my first post, so i guess i will just get it all out there... i am a bi-polar, recovering cutting, fat bulimic lesbian. my bulimia is the only secret i have left, and i dont want to be found out about it by my friends and family. everyone thinks that i am happy, healthy, and healed. the truth is that i have just found another way to deal with the shittyness i call life. i have been pretty stable with my b/p'ing and haven't really had the urge to do it lately, but i am terrified of gaining anymore weight and food is just pissing me off right now. i have started a restriction/fasting period as of today and am doing pretty well right now. i've had only 260 cal. which is great for my fat stomach. i'm not sure how long i am going to do it, or how much i am going to restrict, but i'm going to do my best. i am worried about my sports though. i am on the track team and am a co-captian on my swim team, so i think i am just going to restrict and not fast. i have really funky blood sugar and start to shake if i have had enough to eat. does anyone know a good way to stop that from happening? i hate it and then want to eat something and then hate my self. well, i guess thats it for right now... holler holler. my stats... Age:16 Height: 5'7" HW: 210 LW: 173 CW: 180 SGW: 170 LGW: 150 (1 Comment |Comment on this)