urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy sit back and relax... A girl named hope... 2006-07-12T05:51:14Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:2707 2006-07-12T05:51:14Z 2006-07-12T05:51:14Z this morning i weighed in at 173<br />that is the lowest i have ever been at this hight.<br />pretty awesome<br />thats 11 lbs since april<br />it may not sound like a lot for some people, but for me its huge.<br />must loose more. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:2491 2006-07-09T06:54:57Z 2006-07-09T06:54:57Z i found out yesterday that i have gastritis.<br />that could be used to my advantage, but my huge ass has been ona hardcore bingeing spree, sp basicaly i have been throwing up for 4 days solid. (not that different from any other days...)<br />i'm just going to stop eating.<br />sounds good to me.<br />i was at 174 earlier this week. right now i am at about 177, and thats at night with clothes on.<br />i neeeeeeeed to loose weight!<br />ugh. fuck. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:2262 2006-06-16T22:51:47Z 2006-06-16T22:51:47Z INSTRUCTIONS: Write ten statements, intended to different people. never tell which one is to who things you've always wanted to tell people.<br /><br />1. I miss you. Even tho i will not allow myself to ever speak to you again, because of all of the pain that you have caused me, i still miss you.<br /><br />2. OPEN YOUR EYES can't you see that i am sick? dont you ever wonder what i do in the shower for almost 45 min? <br /><br />3. stop taking your anger out on me! i am not a fuck up! i do everything that you want me to do and more. why can't you see that?<br /><br />4. thank you for saving my life. you were my coach and my friend, and i will miss you greatly.<br /><br />5. i love you even tho we fight worse than anything. you are my sister and i could never hate you.<br /><br />6. you spent 14 years of my life drinking. I hope that this time you stay sober. i don't know if i will be able to forgive you next time.<br /><br />7. you have no idea how similar we actually are.<br /><br />8. when you talk about your diease, you shove it peoples faces like you would die without the attention. do you really wonder why people have stoped responding to you?<br /><br />9. stop being so hard on your self. stop throing up your food. stop hurting yourself. you are beautiful get that thru your head. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:1936 2006-06-13T02:54:19Z 2006-06-13T02:54:19Z i started at 184<br />this morning at i was at 176<br /><br />i want to get down to at least 160, if not 150 by the end of summer.<br />is it possible? i damn well hope so.<br /><br />on the 26th i start swim pratice again and also i start my job life guarding.<br />by then i want to be 170<br />thats like, 2 weeks. 6lbs in 2 weeks. i can do it.<br /><br />at first i was having some problems with the pills, but i think i am getting used to them. i am going to start upping the dosage.<br /><br />starting the 26th my schedule will be <br />10:00am (sometimes 9:00am) to 12:00pm - Swim Pratice.<br />3:00pm to 9:00pm - Life Guarding.<br /><br />i will be fit by the start of school.<br /><br />tomorrow is my birthday<br />that means manditory birthday dinner out to eat with my parents. <br />that also means purge purge time <br />then after that, i want to keep the cals. about 500.<br />or below that if possible.<br />i will be 170 by the 26th.<br />and 150 by september.<br />it will happen. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:1756 2006-06-05T02:38:39Z 2006-06-05T02:38:39Z i finally told a friend about the throwing up. it feels good to have at least some one to talk to about it.<br />i bought diet pills today. i dont know how i feel about that yet...<br />my birthday is coming up very soon.<br />i feel like i want to throw up, but i havent eaten anything since noon, and even then just salad.<br />summer cycle into eating disorderland here i come. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:1487 2006-05-31T03:46:56Z 2006-05-31T03:46:56Z all i want is for someone to notice me.<br />i am so tired of the silence.<br />i have b/p'd every day for the past week.<br />2 weeks ago i cut again for the first time in almost a year.<br />i want to do it again.<br />all i want is for someone to notice me.<br />and for them to help me, but not judge me.<br />i dont think i can do this much longer. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:1171 2006-04-29T04:51:29Z 2006-04-29T04:51:29Z i have dropped 4 lbs since saturday.<br />184<br />to<br />180<br /><br />sweet. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:962 2006-04-25T00:59:35Z 2006-04-25T00:59:35Z "Down & Out" The Academy Is... Today i had:<br />Breakfast: 1 rice cake - 70 cal.<br />Lunch: 1 rice cake - 70cal.<br /> 1/4 cup of nuts - 170 cal.<br />Snack before track: granola&yogurt bar - 140 cal.<br />Dinner: 1 wing roasted chicken - 26cal.<br /> 1/4 cup rice - 170cal.<br /> 1 apple - 72 cal.<br />= 718cal.<br /><br />Track Pratice: <br />30 min. running/cardio = 411 cal. burned<br />45 min. weightlifting = 369 cal. burned<br />= -780 cal.<br /><br />total: -62 cal.<br /><br />yesterday i did shitty and done even want to add it up. i am a fuck tard and ended up purging twice. once after lunch and once after dinner.<br />but today was pretty good. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:719 2006-04-23T04:40:51Z 2006-04-23T04:43:15Z music in my head Starting Weight: 184<br />short term goal weight: 170<br />long term goal weight: 150 (or lower if possible)<br /><br />today i ate:<br />2 rice cakes- 140cal.<br />1 turkey burger patty w/ 1 piece of whole wheat bread- 260 cal.<br />1 bottle of vitamin water- 100cal.<br />2 servings of baby carrots- 70 cals.<br />& 4 med. pickels- 20 cal.<br />so that = 490 calories.<br />good start<br /><br />i think that i am going to start with 600 cal. per day for one month, and then work from there.<br /><br />awesome. now i have to figure out how to make this work... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mindinapathy:256 2006-04-22T21:48:25Z 2006-04-22T21:48:25Z hey this is my first post, so i guess i will just get it all out there...<br /><br />i am a bi-polar, recovering cutting, fat bulimic lesbian.<br />my bulimia is the only secret i have left, and i dont want to be found out about it by my friends and family.<br />everyone thinks that i am happy, healthy, and healed. the truth is that i have just found another way to deal with the shittyness i call life.<br />i have been pretty stable with my b/p'ing and haven't really had the urge to do it lately, but i am terrified of gaining anymore weight and food is just pissing me off right now. i have started a restriction/fasting period as of today<br />and am doing pretty well right now. i've had only 260 cal. which is great for my fat stomach. i'm not sure how long i am going to do it, or how much i am going to restrict, but i'm going to do my best.<br />i am worried about my sports though. i am on the track team and am a co-captian on my swim team, so i think i am just going to restrict and not fast. i have really funky blood sugar and start to shake if i have had enough to eat. does anyone know a good way to stop that from happening? i hate it and then want to eat something and then hate my self.<br />well, i guess thats it for right now...<br />holler holler.<br /><br />my stats...<br />Age:16<br />Height: 5'7"<br />HW: 210<br />LW: 173<br />CW: 180<br />SGW: 170<br />LGW: 150